its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
