At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
