Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
