no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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