Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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