Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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