At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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