where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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