tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
