You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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