oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
