R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
