You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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