so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
