i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
