i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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