My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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