So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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