bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you had me at cake vodka
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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