My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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