She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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