And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
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