i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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