.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Who died my cat blue again?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
