Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
