How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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