I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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