The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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