I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
