some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
