I think I am morally bankrupt
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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