Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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