Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
