I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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