I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
