worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
