hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
