WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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