Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
