I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
