my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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