I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
