i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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