Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
