Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
