a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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