His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
