Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
