woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
