I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
