After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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