I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
