Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
