Where is the hickey?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
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