just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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