Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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