whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
