i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
