So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
