So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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